Traveling Beans

The Beginning...

It is time to christen this baby. Ok. I am still in the U.S., but I have less than 2 weeks, and am in possession of my plane ticket. I also just finished reading a facebook/info sheet detailing the 411 on all the people who I will be at orientation with for 6 weeks...And I am feeling a little inadequate. Everyone is either deferring gradschool or some other smart-sounding program, and they listed a gazillion activities (I didn't cuz...I just don't like to give out too much information about myself to people I don't know!). Not to mention, they're all at least 2 (or 3) years younger than me. Age is supposedly just a number, but 1) not in Korea, and 2) as socialist as I am, I think hierarchically sometimes when I am trying to find any reason to doubt myself!

***an interruption: if you haven't noticed, I will be as candid as possible, in the year to come, you will read about the real Jackie. You think you know, but you have no idea...If you know where that comes from, I don't watch it, I just heard it once.***

And then...I think of my talks with Kristofer. God knows what He's doing, not to mention, I do too. It was a lesson I learned a long time ago in highschool when I didn't take the advanced U.S. History, when I sucked at Math, and when I loved to go to retreats to pray and not just to meet boys: everyone has and takes their own path. Gosh, I sound incredibly religious again. I have felt so a-religious for so long...I think that will be something I will be figuring out this year, too.

So, remember all the whining we did in college (and maybe still do) when we felt like we hadn't found our "true friends" yet? Or when we were out there protesting or meeting at the Womyn's Center and felt so alone? All those times we felt like we were the "only ones." Well, after reading the other Watson recipients' projects and then about the other Fulbright people I will be in Korea with, I have seen there are other people my age out there who are dedicated or at least interested in some of the same things I am. And yet, instead of saying "finally" I am terrified that I can't match up. How silly, but I figure I will be able to deal with this sooner and more easily if I can just admit it and face it. Which reminds me, check out this fascinating website a good friend showed me: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/#111738383678082874 . If you are in a sad mood, I do not recommend it. Save it for a sunny day.

12 days to go. I am going to miss Kristofer...my brother...my sister...Kristofer's family....:(

Hilary I miss you everyday. Everyday I compose letters to you in my head, but I never make it to the computer or to paper. Well here is something finally. I hope you are enjoying the water. Breathe it in once for me. te quiero!

posted by jacquelina @ 11:14 AM